“Sir that’s not going to ­ sir. Mister White.” The officer stood there for a minute, unsure how to break this rather involving lip lock.

“Sir, gay people still commit crimes. I...I’m not ­ Sir?” The officer looked at the ground, then back to the heated kiss. They weren’t stopping anytime soon and the awkwardness was only mounting. He’ll give them another minute, how long could they possibly make out?


Okay, the guy in the blue shirt is really getting into it now, time to abort.

“Okay, I’m just...I’m just gonna go. Drive safe.” The officer tossed Jamie’s driver’s license back into the car, avoiding eye contact. He wasn’t going to get a response, was he? He wondered briefly looking back at the two. Nope, not happening. He then hastily turned around and headed back into his squad car. Meanwhile back in Wallace’s car, the kiss continued. Jamie couldn't believe it worked! It probably helped that he began to be physically into the kiss. Once both men were engaged in massive man mooching, the officer was repelled faster than a shark encountering Batman’s shark repellent.

As awesome as it was to avoid getting booked again. Jamie couldn’t help but notice Wallace’s thoroughness. Just as this thought was running through his mind, the kiss stopped just as suddenly as it began. The two sat in the car for a moment in silence before either one spoke.

“Well, that was….thorough.” Jamie replied, wiping his mouth a bit.

“Sorry. Wanted it to look real.” Wallace explained, trying to reassure Jamie.

“I couldn't help but notice you kept going for, like, thirty seconds after he'd left.” Jamie replied, indeed wondering about Wallace’s intentions at the time. On one hand it cleared off the officer rather quickly, on the other…. well, it as a rather thorough kiss.

“Do me a favour, don't tell Simon about this, will you?” Wallace asked. This immediately concerned Jamie. He wasn’t one to keep things from others, especially when they probably ought to know.

“I wasn't going to, until you said that. Now I think I kinda have to.” Jamie didn’t like the thought of keeping something like this from Simon. The dynamic to their relationship is indeed unique to say the least, but it didn’t seem fair to keep something like this away from Simon. Regardless of the the situation that led up to it.

“It's not like that. You can tell Max or Trent or Carol. Just don't tell Simon, I kinda had to... instruct him that you were off­limits.” Wallace started the car again and resumed driving. Off limits? The heck was he talking about? Did he really want to know?



Jamie raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t realized there was any possibility of being on Simon’s sites, let alone having the need to ‘instruct’ him on his unavailability. “More so than I would already be, inherently, by virtue of being one hundred percent heterosexual?”


“Well, you weren't that thorough.” Jamie crossed his arms as Wallace kept driving.

“...So if I was more thorough..?” Wallace began. Jamie blinked in surprise.

“Are you asking hypothetically?” Jamie asked, unsure of where the conversation was going.

“Hypothetically.” Acknowledged Wallace. Jamie thought about it for a moment, not expecting to give the situation much serious thought. He shrugged a bit.

“I don’t know, I mean, I’m fairly sure it honestly wouldn’t make a difference.” Jamie answered honestly. Staring at the dashboard, trying to mull some thoughts over.

“You sure about that? You seemed pretty into it when we were putting on that ‘show’ for the police officer.” Wallace smirked.

“I­w­you­ I­.....it was a distraction wasn’t it??” Jamie asked, defending himself a bit. Wallace burst out laughing.

“Whoa! Calm down man, I’m just kidding! You’re acting just felt pretty convincing is all. You’re not a bad kisser.” Jamie sank down in the car seat . He felt quite embarrassed, he didn’t realise just how into it he may have seemed. He didn’t even know he was ever going to end up kissing a guy before tonight. Last he checked anyway. Wallace noticed that Jamie became quiet for a while.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’re still straight as an arrow.” Wallace offered as comfort. Jamie looked over at Wallace, smiling a bit, letting out a sigh.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to freak out about it. I just didn’t think I’d almost get arrested and make out with a guy all in the same night.”“Truly, an eventful night.” Wallace replied with a chuckle. Jamie chuckled as well, feeling a bit better about the situation. Nearing their destination, he realized one thing that he had forgotten in amidst the tongue wrestling and awkwardness.

“Hey, did that cop give me back my ID?” Jamie asked, looking around. “I really don’t feel like tracking that guy down, I kissed enough guys for one night. ….No offense!”

“None taken. I think he slipped it back into the car before leaving. Might have dropped it somewhere around my seat.” Wallace replied, his eyes still on the road.

“Oh I see it! It’s just wedged between your seat and the driver’s side door.” Jamie replied. He tried reaching for it to no avail. “Hey Wallace, I’m gonna slip under your arms ok?”

“Slip under my­ Jamie?” Wallace was trying to ask what Jamie was doing but before he knew it, Jamie had slipped under Wallace’s arms, trying to get his ID back.

“Jamie, you do know I can just give you the ID when I get you home, right?”

“Almost got it.”

“If you need it that urgently we could wait until we’re at a red light!”

“Almost got it!”


“I said I almost got it!”

“Jamie you’re grabbing my dick!”

There was silence for a full minute as the statement sank in for both of them. Jamie refused to look, he knew he was trying to push himself back into the passenger seat after getting his ID, he grabbed what he thought was Wallace’s leg for leveridge. At least… he thought it was his leg.

“...No I’m not!”

“Jamie, I may be driving, but I don’t have to look to feel what you’re grabbing right now.” Wallace kept his eyes on the road, trying to avoid making an awkward situation even more awkward.

“....This isn’t your leg...is it?” Jamie asked, quite afraid of the answer. Wallace let out a slight chuckle.“I’ve been told it was big enough to be a third leg..” Wallace’s chuckles however were interrupted by a sudden slight groan. “Jamie...you might not want to do that..”

“....Oh God….Wallace I’m just trying to get off from your lap!” Jamie exclaimed, trying to shimmy out from his lap.

“Nngh...Jamie, I know this may seem like a radical idea, but how about letting go of my dick? You’re not making this any less awkward. I mean if you keep this up...you’re gonna get me­”

“HARD!!” Jamie flailed, not only letting go but spazzing out and rushing back to the passenger seat causing Wallace to swerve slightly before regaining control of the car. The two simply sat in their corresponding seats until Wallace pulled up to the apartment. The two sat in silence for a while.

“So…” Jamie began, looking at every other object in the car.

“I won’t mention it if you don’t.” Wallace replied, looking straight ahead. Jamie sighed and looked over at Wallace, nodding.

“...Yea, that would be good. Uhm...I’m gonna go..” Jamie opened the door, stepping out of the car. Before closing it, he poked his head in, rubbing the back of his neck. “Thanks for the ride…”

“Don’t worry about it man...nothing happened. I’ll get back to you on your game.” Wallace offered a reassuring smile. Jamie smiled as well, nodding before closing the door and walking to his apartment. Wallace sighed, looking down at his lap. “I hope Max or Simon are awake, I hate unfinished business..”

At the end of 2014, I ran a fanart/fanfic contest, and one of the ways you could enter was to write a continuation of a Leftover Soup strip. Jim Nickabocker of Grandstand Radio took strips #552-553 and ran with it.