[From a Reddit writing prompt "You are what you eat", post by Chimerasame]



I hadn't seen Max since before The Event. I'm not sure what I was expecting. She arrived at my apartment and my incredulity was eminently apparent when I began stammering in surprise before I even managed to greet her. "Max, you -- I can't believe -- you of all people I wouldn't expect--"

"Yeah, Bessie?" Maxine asked. Her tone mixed mocking with just enough sweetness that I knew she wasn't seriously down-talking my bovine appearance. I loved steak and brisket, it's true. To be honest, I didn't really mind looking like a Tauren. But Maxine hadn't changed in the least. I couldn't believe it, all signs pointed to the notion that she'd eaten human?

"You, uh, know what happened to everyone, right?" I asked. Surely she hadn't been living in a cave."

"Oh. Yeah! Freaky stuff. Simon looks like Foghorn Leghorn now. Carol's a mermaid, salmon-ish tail but larger. I felt really bad for her at first, but it turns out she really lucked out because something about whatever happened didn't interfere like I thought it was gonna."

I was taken slightly aback. "She, ah, can walk?"

Max blinked. "What? No, big ol' fish tail! We had to get a wheelchair. Thaaaaat's ... maybe the second most important thing. No I mean the super genie or whatever did this, let her keep her vag, didn't replace it with whatever fish have."

I sighed. Of course.

But wait, that tangent didn't answer the question! I reiterated, "Max! I will try my best not to judge, but I need to know. Have you... eaten human flesh?"

Max laughed. "You've forgotten my one exception to veganism, haven't you?"

I balked, incredulous, and strained to remem--

"Don't you remember why I'm always so spunky?"

Oh right.

"It's because of all the spunk."

Oh right.

"I am talking about semen. I eat semen." It was, undeniably, her favorite food that was animal in nature. "Or 'drink'," she continued, "depending on ... factors."

I let out another sigh, relieved. "I get it, I get it. No need to provide details." Max smiled broadly.

"So," she asked, graciously changing the subject, "what's in the works for D&D today?"

"No idea what Lily's got cooked up, she has told me nothing. I was thinking about what fallout there would be if this Event happened in-game too. That group of evil goblins might start looking like goblin-sized humans for very different reasons than you do..."

"Hey, I'm not goblin-sized! I've got a foot on 'em at least!"

"Wonder if that's where Halflings come from."