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One of the things my Mom made sure to hammer into her kids' heads was the value of sharing. Very often, she'd start the sentence "In our family...", and we, her offspring, would parrot back the rote response "we share.". Somehow, when she instilled this precept into me, I don't think she intended for it to be applied to pimping out our significant others to our friends.

(Other call-and-response phrases included "the key to life is..." "discipline.", and "All I want for [Mother's Day/my birthday/Christmas] is..." "obedient children.". In retrospect, these do seem slighty self-serving...


(Thursday morning, INT: gym, EB and MH are practicing krav maga)

MH: I guess we're lucky you're on the list. Would have been awkward otherwise.
EB: I'm on your approved open relationship sexual partners list? Since when?
MH: Dude, you've been on the list since the list was created. All my assorted snugglebuddies think you're the bee's pajamas. Especially Trent, he keeps trying to get me to hook you two up.
EB: Well, you can tell Trent that if he wants me, he can seduce me his own damn self. Except don't, because I am really not interested.
MH: You're a crazy person. Trent Howard is stupid hot, and he can do things with his little finger that will make your eyes roll back in your head.
EB: Yeah, but he's... he's kinda bro-ish.
MH: You take that back! My boyfriend is not a douchebro!
EB: I didn't say douchebro! He's bro-ISH!
EB: Bro-esque, you might say.
EB: He exhibits vestigial bro-like tendencies.