0342-------------------------------------

(Monday afternoon, EXT: outside the apartment)

NP: Wait, back up. What?
EB (over the phone): I was briefly considering not telling you, and frantically trying to fix it, or buy a replica scarf or something, but it occurred to me that bullshit sitcoms where the plot revolves around harmless lies that spiral out of control are probably intended as cautionary tales, not instruction manuals.
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(INT: EB and JH's apartment)

NP (over the phone): No, not about that. My scarf is fucked up?
EB (examining ruined scarf): Yeah, just after you left I remembered I used it to stop the kitchen sink P-trap from leaking. It's... it's pretty much ruined. Water damage, rust stains, all that.
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(INT: lobby, NP is rushing back up)

NP: You used my mother's handknitted scarf to fix our plumbing?
EB (over the phone): I didn't know it was a scarf! I remember I saw it lying around, I assumed it was some sort of extra-large dish towel. The edges were all frayed and stuff.
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(INT: EB and JH's apartment)

NP (over the phone): Those are tassels!
EB: Well, yes, obviously I know that now!