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(Saturday night, INT: hallway outside EB and JH's apartment)
MH: Okay, well, first off, you know my views on monogamy and celibacy. The Good Lord in His Infinite Wisdom gave you two hands, two tits, and three orifices you can use to give other people pleasure, and every day that goes by that you aren't using them to the best of your ability, it's like you're slapping God in the face.
MH: Right in his bearded, Caucasian face.
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MH: So, to save time, just assume that for the entirety of this advice, the phrase "or, alternately, just fuck him" is tacked onto the end of every sentence I say, okay?
GU: Noted. Go ahead.
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MH: Okay, then. Now... is this actually a date? Did he say the D word?
GU: No. He didn't actually say it was a date.
MH: And do you want it to be a date?
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GU: I... I don't really know! I mean, at this point, I've spent more time with Raj than I have with Jamie!
MH: Okay, so if you want to date a Hindu sysadmin, you're all set.
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