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I use "status unknown, assume dead" often. It really makes my life a lot easier.
If I get a rude customer at work, or an inconsiderate driver takes a parking space, or some egg hassles me on Twitter, I simply remind myself that there are billions of people on the planet, all milling about at random. The odds of my running into that person again are vanishingly small (and, even if I do, I likely won't remember or recognize them), so there's no reason not to assume that, as soon as they left my field of view, they immediately collapsed of an instant and painless heart attack and were absorbed silently into the earth, never to be seen again.
It's a very freeing mindset - zen, you might say - and I recommend it for anyone with stress or anger issues.
We shall see the extent to which Jamie is able to employ it.
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0870-------------------------------------
(Wednesday night, INT, EB and JH's apartment, kitchen.)
EB: New boyfriend is making hollandaise at four in the morning.
JH: Béarnaise, actually, but I'm kinda doing a cheese thing with it...
EB: Posit: boyfriend is feeling bad re: perceived sexual failings, therefore retreating into realm with known expertise, reasserting mastery.
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JH: Likely correct. Also the creation of food as an unambiguous moral good in an otherwise chaotic world. Also insomnia due to stress due to uncertainty.
EB: Mm. Reasonable, yet clearly suboptimal. Ergo: proposal.
JH: Listening.
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EB: Andre Williams status unknown. For simplicity's sake, assume dead, therefore problem solved and new boyfriend clearly absolved of all ethical culpability.
EB: Come back to bed, turn off alarm, get eight hours' sleep in a proper mattress for first time in over a month. Both play hooky from work tomorrow, new boyfriend establishes sexual mastery via full day of practice making perfect.
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JH: New girlfriend is very persuasive, and I'm not just saying that because you've maintained a firm grip on my anatomy the whole time you've been talking.
EB: Mm. Workers have seized means of production and glorious revolution is at hand.
EB: Now turn that shit off before I use this handle to literally drag you back to bed.
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