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There ya go: Brannock device. You just learned a word.

Now, you're likely going to forget it in the next five minutes - this is how the human brain works - unless you can work it into conversation seven times between now and when you go to bed.

And I'm not talking like "hey, did you know that foot-measurey thing is called-", that shit doesn't count. You need to actually work it into conversation, there needs to be context.

"How big was that dog?" "Oh, he was about one-and-a-half Brannock devices tall."

"How are those PHP classes going?" "Y'know, kind of like a Brannock device - looked complex to start with, but once I was actually using it, it was pretty intuitive."

"How was your date with Brandon?" "More like Brannock-don. Device. Because he wanted to touch my feet a lot."

(Wednesday morning, INT: Overdrive Computers back room.)

EB: Well, okay, let's say instead of massages, we go get new shoes.
LH: You want to get shoes?
EB: Not especially, I'm just making a point. Trying to.
LH: Ah. Of course. Continue.
EB: Alright, so the clerk comes around and whips out his Brannock device...
GU: Brannock device?
EB: The sizer thing, the metal dealie with the clips to measure your feet.
GU: Huh. Didn't know it had a name.
EB: ...and shoeguy asks each of us if we would prefer to have our feet measured by a male or a female attendant.
GU: Therrre it is. Should've seen that coming.
LH: Well, now, Ellen, that's a different scenario. Feet aren't really a fetishized erogenous zone at all.
LH: Okay, okay, point taken.
GU: Well, I was planning on getting new sneakers soon, but I guess now these ones are gonna have to last me until there's a ring on my finger.