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Virginity, as a concept, is outdated and useless and harmful and bad and I wish that we as a species would drop it.

It has only a tangential relationship with human anatomy, it stigmatizes victims of sexual assault, it rigidly states what actions are and are not valid sexual intercourse, it creates unneeded stress (for both those desperately trying to keep it, and those desperately trying to lose it), and it reinforces outdated gender roles that should be offensive to both men and women alike.

Also, as a side note, I personally categorize the human hymen along with scorpions and birth defects and candiru and wisdom teeth and poison ivy and menstrual cramps and the AIDS virus as proof that some malevolent entity hates the human race, and wants us to suffer and die.


(Wednesday, INT: Max's place, living room)

MH: Soooo.... virgin!
JH: I didn't say I was a virgin. I said it was none of your business.
MH: Which means you are.
JH: That's up for debate.
MH: Ooh, a technical virgin! Handjob or oral?
JH: Can we drop it? Is that a thing we can do?
MH: I'm picturing cute little sixteen-year-old you, a forbidden encounter at Bible camp behind the cabins, some redheaded girl in a ponytail, both of your hearts racing, scared of getting caught, but unable to stop yourselves...
JH: You are so far off, it's not even funny.
MH: Ah. So peanut butter and a golden retriever, then.
JH: No comment.